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Did you Cavalier fans notice today’s salutation – “S’up?”

That’s how dudes say: “S’up?”

Thus, this column is in honor of those so-called “dudes” as we celebrate the final “Guy’s Night Out” of the NBA season here at Quicken Loans Arena.

Yes, it’s been quite a trip here at The Q in 2007-08 for we dudes. And now March Madness is nearing its’ climactic, sweet, Sweet 16 and the Tribe’s Home Opener draws nigh. Oh yeah – you can feel it where it counts.

(Of course, you thousands of foxy female fans who normally hang out here are more than welcome aboard today’s column. You know I love the ladies. But be careful, women – these dudes are like animals.)

These dudes’ bit is to get together and celebrate the fact that our beloved Cavaliers haven’t lost a game at The Q since February 19. And that was to the Rockets – a team good at basketball, with a healthy Yao Ming. Since then, Mike Brown’s Men have downed nine straight foes at home. Plus, TheBron is averaging like 34 points a game in March.

So what makes you think I’d predict a loss for the Cavaliers tonight against CP-3 and the much-improved Hornets of New Orleans?

I wouldn’t.

But it is gonna get dicey for TheBron and the Cavaliers on Wednesday night. Luckily, I know you dudes got the grapes enough to handle it. By then you’ll have gotten your bikini calendar signed by a foxy Cavalier Girl – (she’ll be totally digging you) – and you’ll have been stuffed with delicious hot dog meat washed down by four cold brews.

Oh, you’ll get your victory, dudes. But just like the affection of a Cavalier Girl or Smith Barney – we’re going to have to earn it.

We’ll get to the required Math and Science – Phonics and Phys Ed, time permitting – of tonight’s thrilling three-point victory in two shakes. First, I have to pause quickly to offer my praise and admiration and congratulations to the man who, tonight, will celebrate his 3,000th Cavaliers broadcast – a man’s man’s man if ever there was one: the Legendary Joe Tait.

Joe Tait has seen it all, folks. On the road, every night, every day. He’s is the Voice of the Cavaliers and has been, primarily since they’ve been around. He’s seen some highs and some lows and he’s plowed through it night-in and night-out.

He paints the picture of a Cavaliers game and has done so for many of us dudes since we were little, tiny dudes. Joe Tait has also seventeen years of Cleveland Indians baseball, working with the likes of Herb Score, Jack Corrigan, Reggie Rucker and hilariously, Bruce Drennan.

Traveling with the man is no picnic. The 37-year veteran runs the Team Bus with an iron fist. But he’s the best in the business – and by that, I mean the entire National B.A. I’m biased, but people that aren’t agree.

I’m only going say this one time, friends: Joe Tait is a Heavyweight.

Everybody knows it. Even TheBron. Definitely Damon Jones.

Joe Tait is a dude who inspires dudes like our old friend from Parma to pepper the Mailbag with this salty hysteria …

Dear Optimist,

I am writing you to congratulate Joe Tait on his 30,000th (sic) game.

My question to you is, can we get Joe a new sweater? He’s been wearing that Cosby show look-a-like number since the late ‘70s. Also, why does he have to sit up in the nosebleed seats with that hack, Joe Gabriele? Certainly he has accrued enough seniority to rate a position down on press row, alongside the great Fred McLeod. (sic).

If Mr. Tait needs an attorney to negotiate these matters, I will be there for him. And I will make them pay®.

Sincerely,

Bortimer J. Stein, Esq.
Parma, OH

Wow. That’s what I call bringing the P & V, Bort. Thanks for reading and writing in. But I’m not going to stand here and let you bad mouth one of Joseph’s Technicolor DreamSweaters. To think that a deity like Joe Tait would bite Bill Cosby’s look is an insult to our entire organization. This is like asking Superman not to wear his cape, yo.

As for why he sits up there with cavs.com want-wit, Joe Gabriele, (along with Myself and my young ward, John “The Nuse” Manuszak) that’s were Joe prefers to sit. He’ll be the first to tell you that, while he likes Coach Mike Brown as a coach, he doesn’t want to see his posterior for two-and-a-half-hours a night.

Instead of Mike Brown’s buttocks, Joe Tait will get a great look at TheBron’s 12-point first period – part of his 19-point first half. The Cavaliers lead at the turn, but Chris Paul’s already burned them for 22.

It goes back and fourth throughout the third with Joe Smith grabbing eight boards and Sir Damon Jones splashing home three triples. But the Hornets use a late run to take a six-point lead heading into the fourth.

The Hornets run off nine straight to start the final period and Coach Brown tears into his team for disappointing the thousands of dudes throughout the arena. And his club responds.

TheBron begins his onslaught with a two-handed dunk and one and ends it with the game un-tying three-pointer with 22 seconds remaining to give the Cavaliers the 103-100 win.

Alright, men. I’m not going to go into some fancy-pants tearful ending. We can do a quick Anderson Varejao man-hug if you’d like, but let’s wrap this bad boy up and get to the hoops. Meatheads unite – it’s “Guys Night Out” one last time.

Gird ‘em up, good, dudes. The Hornets play like their name. That means you’ll be expected to honor your word to …

Keep the faith, Cleveland

Your pal,
The Optimist

COME ON, CAVS! ©1975

please play loudly