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Like New York City and parts of California, the state of New Jersey gets a completely bad rap.

Those unlucky few who haven’t had the privilege of visiting New Jersey think that the entire place is filled with swarthy Guido's, big-haired tunnel-bunnies and 55-gallon drums full of toxic waste or Jimmy Hoffa.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Why, I can’t think of a more enjoyable road trip than touring through the Pennsylvanian Alps and down through the scenic Delaware Water Gap in the old Team Bus.

This is a beautiful state if you just give it a chance – and I should know. Before returning to Cleveland, I worked at the Secaucus branch of NBA Headquarters. (I was there the night our beloved Cavaliers won the 2003 Draft Lottery.) I remember my colleagues and I would frequent a friendly establishment across the street called BazOOka’S – which was basically a HOOter’s knock-off, only the waitresses were 10 times foxier because they were from New Jersey.

That’s right, I’m glad to be heading out of town for tonight’s matchup with the new-look Nets. And it’s not just because of the Garden State’s plush scenery or that the reeling Netropolitans have lost six straight.

It’s because, as you read this very column, Quicken Loans Arena is teeming with rabid Mid-American Conference college students, there for the annual MAC Men’s and Women’s Basketball Tournament.

Trust me – I love the MAC Tourney. It’s some of the best basketball in the country, the stakes couldn’t be higher, and nearly every year there is a fantastic finish on Saturday night.

But it’s not the basketball part of the Tournament that drives everyone around the offices at The Q up a tree. It’s the fact that we’re overrun with crazy college kids for the better part of a week.

Any more trouble from you MAC kids and I call in Ogre.

Sure, it sounds like a blast. But you try getting work done with a bunch of cheese-eating undergrads running around the joint playing quarters, eating goldfish, conducting panty raids, waking, baking, stealing mascot heads, doing beer bongs, chubby-chasing the Mu’s, paddling freshmen and putting the finishing touches on the Deathmobile. And just this year, some frisky MAC student taught my co-workers and I – (the hard way) – what an “upper-decker” was.

Yeah, you’d be glad to be in New Jersey, too!

The only drawback of so many regional college students being here at The Q – without access to their e-mailing machines – is that I’ve lost the only people with the chutzpah to write to the Optimist Mailbag. Without them, I’m left with Victor from Brecksville breaking my chops over a noon deadline and PFC Craig D. Sirna (of the U.S. Army) sending me dirty jokes.

I guess the rest of you must be busy washing your hair. So, while we wait for class to get back to session, I’ll just leave the Mailbag section empty until someone out there grows a pair …

Pretty quiet, huh? Lonely, too.

As I mentioned earlier, the Nets have dropped six straight and are winless in the month of March. But don’t be fooled. Four of those losses came on the road against the likes of New Orleans, Dallas, Houston and San Antonio, twice.

Those are quality losses, people.

And to the Nets, I say: “Hard cheese!”

Because once the calendar turns to March, it’s time for the young King and Co. to bring 100% pure love – night-in, night-out. If that means TheBron tallying 12 points, seven boards and four dimes in the first half of Wednesday’s tilt, so be it.

Richard Jefferson and Bostjan Nachbizzy key a 11-3 third quarter run, and the Nets grab their first lead of the game late in the period.

But it’s all Wine and Gold in the fourth quarter, with Joe Smith and Anderson Varejao working over the road-weary Nets frontline. TheBron cans a three-pointer with four minutes to play that gives the Cavaliers an 11-point lead and the Nets don’t get closer than seven points for the rest of the night.

Cavaliers win it in workman-like fashion – 101-92. Joe Smith doubles-up and TheBron finishes with 41.

I know it’s difficult to focus fully on Cavaliers basketball with so much March Madness exploding all around you. And I understand. But these are the times when we need you girded good and proper. If the MAC students can do double-duty, so can you.

Here endeth the lesson for today, little baby blockheads. But I’ll be back tomorrow from our nation’s capital. Between now and then, if you don’t mind, please …

Choose faith, Cleveland

Your pal,
The Optimist

COME ON, CAVS! ©1975

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