Allstate
March 29, 2008
The Optimist
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Buenos tardes, fellow fans of sport. My name is “The Optimist” – enmeshed in the March madness of the Motor City.

Life on the road can be strange, my friends. Sometimes, you roll in and out of different cities so quickly that you forget your hotel room number when you go out for a bite. And there are times when that hotel room and the arena are all you see.

Sometimes you sleep; sometimes it’s not for days. And the people you meet always go their separate ways. Sometimes you tell the day by the bottle that you drink. And times when you're alone, all you do is think.

That was not the case in Detroit.

Because of a light week of Cavaliers basketball, we cruised into Motown – under the protection of the EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicle, of course – for Saturday night’s battle at The Palace a little bit early. Playoff time approacheth and we wanted to get the lay of the land in case we have to come back here and smote their Pistons again.

But before I could even take to the hard-scrabble streets of Detroit, I noticed that the folks here at the Team Motel were messing with me. No preview channel on my TV. No scolding-hot water in my shower. And easily the worst offense, a full-length mirror facing the Throne – (after I specifically asked for a room without that!)

Oh, I’m sure the players and Joe Tait’s rooms were without these major flaws. But not mine.

Yeah, I figured it out early. These Detroiters are trying to get into my head.

And when we members of the Cavaliers caravan do take to the streets, they treat us like we’re regular people. We have to pay for our own meals. Men don’t feel obliged to remove their hats. Last night, I went out for a bottle of suds, and the bartender charged me for it – even after I told him I’m with the Cavaliers.

It’s almost as if these Motor City madmen and madwomen don’t recognize that we’re Eastern Conference Champions!

Nothing?
It was June … Usher sang the National Anthem … Boobie went off for 31 points…

Does any of this ring a bell?!!

Unfortunately, it’s not the actual citizenry of Detroit that will have to pay for this inexcusable lack of courtesy. It’s their beloved Pistons that will bear its brunt.

These Pistons make TheBron’s blood boil no matter how much respect the townspeople give him. And unlike the last game here in Auburn Hills, the young King will have all ten working digits at his disposal for all four quarters. And he will use them to defeat Deeeetroit Basketball in dramatic fashion.

It doesn’t look that way early for the Wine and Gold. The cold-shooting Cavaliers net 17 points in the first quarter and 19 in the second. The Pistons aren’t lighting the nets on fire – (although their fans might afterwards) – shooting just 44 percent from the field.

Still the Pistons take an 11-point lead into intermission and increase it to 13 after three.

Suddenly, Sir Damon Jones leads the charge, drilling a pair of threes and dropping home a sweet teardrop to bring the Cavaliers to within six with five minutes remaining.

That’s about when TheBron gives Piston fans a little “summer preview” – scoring nine points in the final four minutes and swatting Rasheed Wallace’s potentially game-tying layup.

Zydrunas Ilgauskas’ free throws seal the scintillating 84-80 victory.

As always, it’s nothing but pitchforks, crossbows and Molotov Cocktails from the point the EM-50 leaves The Palace until we cross the heavily-fortified Ohio border just outside of Toledo.

But that’s cool, as long as we’re rolling out with a win.

If the bank isn’t in the process of taking your house, go ahead and bet it on the Cavaliers tonight. You renters can stick with regular cash.

That’s all for today, little blockheads. I’ll check back with y’uns tomorrow for the second-half of this back-to-back.

I know many of you will have your attention diverted by the NCAA Tournament, and I can’t fault you for being tempted. You’re going to have to fight through this. Could you really live with yourself on Sunday morning if you whiffed on Cavaliers basketball tonight?

No one said girding one’s loins for 82 games would be easy, friends. You can choose the Elite 8, or you can …

Choose faith, Cleveland

Your pal,
The Optimist



COME ON, CAVS!
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