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And yet, the Wizards thought they could treat we Ohioans disrespectfully in our home – IN OUR HOME! – where our wives sleep; where our children come to play with their toys. Eddie Jordan’s squad is a tough, worthy adversary. I don’t know why they have to work blue.

But if the Wiz Kids want to get down and dirty, the Cavaliers will be up for the challenge. TheBron’s a football player – and it’s Monday Night. Expect another one-touchdown victory in Game Two.

Normally, TheBron is hugs and handshakes at center circle before tip-off. But not on Saturday.

The Wizards, namely DeShawn Stevenson, have called him names and hurt his feelings. And I’m afraid it’s no more “Mr. Nice Guy” for the young King. I assume Stevenson is a big Jim Croce fan – (I know I am) – and he must have heard the one about not tugging on Superman’s cape.

Irregardless.

There’s more smoting to be done before the Cavaliers can advance to the Money Round – three more games-worth, to be precise.

FEAR THE BEARD!

Normally, predicting tonight’s game would have been like taking candy from a baby. Game Two in the Washington-Cleveland series was always the Drew Gooden Game – where the jocular former power forward would inexplicably explode on the Wizards.

But this year, with his Bulls done for the season, Drew is probably floating around in an inner-tube in a gigantic pool on an island in the Caribbean thinking: “Man, I used to kill those (expletive deleted)s in Game Two!”

Not having Drew around makes it much tougher to calculate the final score of tonight’s victory, so forgive me if I’m off by a point or two. I’ll get to the whys and wherefores of said win right after we delve briefly into the Optimist Mailbag – which I must say, is starting to pick up ever so slightly as the postseason gets moving. This warms my heart.

Dear Optimist,

I have a situation on my hands, and I need your advice. My roommate and I purchased a sweet HD TV off of Craig's List, but about a week ago, it stopped working. Completely. And we're too poor to get it fixed.

Additionally, the neighbor from which we were "borrowing" our Internet access recently put a password on their Wi-Fi. And being as poor as we are, we haven't been able to pay for Internet access.

Bottom line: in our apartment, we have no TV and no Internet access. I have NO WAY of finding out what's happening with my Cavs in the off-season until I get to work and read your column. And as great as your column is, this can't be the best way to experience the post-season. What do I do??

Dustin
Beaverton, OR

OK, Dustin. Thanks for reading and writing in. But once again, it sounds to me like your one of those crazy college kids trying to pull a fast one with a funny fake city name like “Beaverton, Oregon.” I’ve already gotten letters from fake cities like Knob Lick, Kentucky, Gnaw Bone, Indiana, or Smackass Gap, North Carolina. And I refuse to print them in this column. I’m better than that.

But your letter compelled me, young Dustin. You and your roommate sound pretty darn poor. What are you two doing, sitting around in your underpants, eating Big Kahuna Burgers?

Either way, I have three recommendations.

First, find the guy who sold you the fakakta HD TV and stuff his head in the toilet until he gives you your bread back. Two, pool what little cash you two have left and watch in a sports bar, nursing brews and eating goldfish crackers like a couple of freeloaders. And three, I can send you what’s going to happen via Morse Code. (I sit next to the Stats Crew, and that’s how they communicate with one another.)

Here – jot this down …

- .... . / --. .- -- . / .. ... / - .. . -.. / .- - / ---.. ----. -....- .- .--. .. . -.-. . / .-- .. - .... / - .-- --- / -- .. -. ..- - . ... / - --- / .--. .-.. .- -.-- / .-- .... . -. / -.-. --- .- -.-. .... / -- .. -.- . / -... .-. --- .-- -. / ... .... --- -.-. -.- ... / - .... . / ... --- .-.. -.. -....- --- ..- - / --.- ..- .. -.-. -.- . -. / .-.. --- .- -. ... / .- .-. . -. .- / -.-. .-. --- .-- -.. / -... -.-- / .. -. ... . .-. - .. -. --. / ... .. .-. / -.. .- -- --- -. / .--- --- -. . ... / .. -. - --- / - .... . / .-.. .. -. . ..- .--. .-.-.- / - .... . / .--. .-.. .- -.-. . / . .-. ..- .--. - ... / .-- .... . -. / -.. .--- / -.-. .- -. ... / -... .- -.-. -.- -....- - --- -....- -... .- -.-. -.- / - .-. . -.-- ... / - --- / --. .. ...- . / -.-. .-.. . ...- . .-.. .- -. -.. / - .... . / . -. --- .-. -- --- ..- ... / ----. ----. -....- ----. ..--- / .-- .. -. / .. -. / --. .- -- . / - .-- --- .-.-.-

- .... .- - .----. ... / -- -.-- / -.. .--- .-.-.-!!!

Of course, either you or your roommate – exspecially living up in Oregon – must know Morse Code. But in case there’s anyone out there who doesn’t, here it is in regular English …

The game is tied at 89-apiece with two minutes to play when Coach Mike Brown shocks the sold-out Quicken Loans Arena crowd by inserting Sir Damon Jones into the lineup. The place erupts when the DJ cans back-to-back treys to give Cleveland the enormous 99-92 win in Game Two.

The joint is jumping as Jones’ teammates maul him before heading into the locker room. Nearly everyone in attendance goes home bubbling with joy, but there’s still a few fans – even in an emotional Cavaliers playoff victory – who leave The Q crestfallen that they got that close to a Chalupa™ … and fell just short.

My work here is done, people. Gird up for another good one tonight on the corner of Huron and Ontario. It’ll be bare-knuckle basketball. I just hope you guys have the stomach for it.

Farewell, furry-faced and furious fans of the Wine and Gold. I’ll check in from the nation’s capital in a couple days. In the meantime, please don’t forget your sworn duty to …

-.- . . .--. / - .... . / ..-. .- .. - .... --..-- / -.-. .-.. . ...- . .-.. .- -. -..

Your pal,
The Optimist

COME ON, CAVS! ©1975

please play loudly