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What is it about the New Jersey Nets and why do they hate our guts?

Despite yet another Herculean effort by TheBron, the Cavaliers couldn’t dig themselves out of an early 18-point hole, dropping the 104-99 decision on Wednesday night in East Rutherford. The Cavaliers are now an anemic 1-7 in New Jersey during the young King’s reign – which I find to be a base and abject perversion.

TheBron went off for another 42 points – passing Austin Carr for second place on the franchise’s all-time scoring list. No. 23 needs 123 more to pass Brad Daugherty for the top spot, but he probably won’t get that on Thursday night. Not on the second night of a back-to-back.

For as great as TheBron has been all season, he’s been exspecially good as of late, scoring under 37 points only once in the month of March – (and in that game he turned in a triple-double). But the man can’t do all the steel-drivin’ by himself. Look what that did to John Henry.

I predict a more well-rounded effort by the Wine and Gold on Thursday night in our nation’s capital. But before we get to the whys and wherefores of this evening’s triumph, we must first tend to some grave business – appropriately enough while we’re right here in Washington.

At the tender age of 90, one of the Senate’s true heavyweights – Cleveland’s own Howard Metzenbaum – passed away at his home in Aventura, Florida. A self-made millionaire, the scrappy Senator Metzenbaum went toe-to-toe with big oil, insurance companies and the N.R.A.

Now, I’m sure that some of you didn’t agree with Mr. Metzenbaum’s politics, and to you I say: “Tough crap!” You’re free to scream like a banshee or press a ham against your computer screen, but the rest of us are going to observe this moment of silence like grown people. Sheesh!

Thank you.

OK, I lied to you guys earlier. We have one more thing to take care of before we get to tonight’s big win in Washington.

In yesterday’s column, I asked for someone – anyone! – to write in to the Optimist Mailbag, what with all the college kids being busy with their respective basketball tournaments, such as the MAC.

So this morning, after nearly an hour in labor, the E-Master 7000™ bore this lengthy nugget …

Hey man,

I always read your article on my workbreak. I am by no means a sports buff. In fact, I generally mock my friends who spend their time watching SportsCenter and reading the Sports section and get all worked up over their fantasy leagues. But I have been a fan of the Cavs since the golden days of Mark Price, so I read your article to keep myself in the loop.

Anyway, after the news broke about the trades in which we acquired Joe Smith and the others, I got on Facebook and messaged all of my sports nerd friends (I have no problem admitting I am also a nerd) and asked them what their opinion was of the new Cavs lineup. They responded by saying that it didn't matter and that LeBron (sic) would be going to New York or New Jersey next year anyway.

Needless to say, I was floored. As I said, I've been a fan of the Cavs since the days of Price, so I'm not bandwagon jumper.

If you were to respond to my friends' claims about LeBron (sic) jumping ship next year, how exactly would an expert like yourself respond?

Thanks!

Dustin Murrell
Beaverton, OR

Dustin, thanks for reading and taking the time to write in.

Please.

First of all, you might need to get some more upbeat friends if that was their response to the trade. Those dudes are bumming me out from the other end of the country.

Secondly, you sound a little old to be playing the same prank my college friends usually pull with a silly fake name like “Beaverton, Oregon.” I’ve already gotten letters from fictional American cities like “Dry Prong, Louisiana” and “Mud Butte, South Dakota” and I think I can spot a lark when I see one.

And lastly, I honestly don’t think TheBron is going to New York or New Jersey next year. Not unless Cavaliers GM Dan Ferry can get some sweet expiring contracts in return. But there’s no way any team is going to pull the wool over a guy like Isiah Thomas’s eyes on that type of deal – not even Ferry. And TheBron obviously isn’t going to accept a trade to New Jersey. The poor kid is 1-7 there!

So, to answer your question, Dustin, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.

Focus your energy on tonight’s matchup against the Wizards instead of diverting your attention on conspiracy theories. If you don’t, you’ll miss Splasha Pavlovic’s coming out party, as he nets 19 points, six boards and three steals – doing most of the damage before halftime.

Wally Szczerbiak’s huge third-quarter give the Cavaliers a six-point lead after three. But Antonio Daniels leads a Wizards run to start the fourth. It isn’t until Sir Damon Jones’ back-to-back treys breaks it open, with Joe Smith canning four straight free throws to seal the deal.

The short-handed Cavaliers win this one by staying strong down the stretch – 108-100. TheBron finishes with 38; Anderson Varejao doubles-up with 13 points and 11 boards.

You can get all the pertinent statistics right here on cavs.com on Friday morning.

And speaking of cavs.com, I never thought I’d live to see the day where I’d be hoping to see our beat wiener, Joe Gabriele’s mug on the site’s homepage. But I have to admit, the mohawked image of my man, Fred McLeod, has me a little out-of-sorts.

It’s … well … It’s giving me bad dreams.

Here’s hoping Gabriele can pump out some of that trademark pablum on Friday morning so I don’t get upset when I turn on my computer after the road trip.

As for the rest of you, now is no time to let down your gird. Now is the time for full-speed-ahead. You can start by remembering to …

Keep the faith, Cleveland

Your pal,
The Optimist

COME ON, CAVS! ©1975

please play loudly